The Minister of Paper Bags has assured me that the enivrons have been secured. He is wily and devious, but he as well has been secured. I have insulated myself from him, and him from any power grabs he may make. We each know the score.

The Minister of Paper Bags has a proposal for me. He wishes to expand his purview to plastic bags. He knows there is there is no precedent for this. He knows no one has jurisdiction. He weasels into his proposed role by intimidating plastic bags one by one. I do not think he has popular support. Besides, the only vote that counts is mine. I grab him by the lapels and say "No."

They say that power seeks to perpetuate itself. This is my domain, and so it shall stay. My foreign affairs are all in order. "It is an internal affair," I say to curious diplomats. They leave it at that, I know, because they have no interest. To keep it that way, I ensure there is no trade. Domestic tranquillity is my concern.

We have everything that we need. We are self-sufficient, and thus require no loans. Our industry is coal and paper hats. I am content to leave the latter to the Minister.

Our nation is great. Long may it prosper.